Resolved Question: stay? go? what to do? how to handle this?

a little bit of background info... him: 34, never completed high school, works below the table doing construction, but work is very sketchy. has openly admitted several times to have no steer or desire to do anything with his life and has said he sees it as pointless cause someone from my or his family will die eventually and we will receive money then. also claims that if he does not drink every night then he is unable to snooze. often tells me and our kids that we ruined his life and took away his freedom, has as little to do with the kids as possible...on the flip side tho, he's extremely good mechanically and with fixing things, and will drop anything he's doing if his friends need his help, no matter when it is or what for. so i know he's capable of doing stuff. me: 26, in school for financial advising (online courses, from a local college) stay at home mom, in charge of the kids, their school stuff, the household, and currently seeking a part time day job. i'm a social drinker, drank on july 4th, at the halloween party, and new years, haven't touched anything since then, nor do i desire to. i'm very goal driven, i set high expectations for myself and my family, and i want to look them met, or atleast a real effort to meet the goals. i'm also a bit short tempered at times, esp with my husband and often tell him to do something with his life or close up about it already. together: 9 years, married 8, with 3 daughters, ages: 7, 6, and 5 problem: his lack of ambition clashes with my desire to better my life. he's talked many times about going back to school, getting a stable job with benefits, learning about computers and IT, and much more, but every time when it's came down to it, he has so many excuses why he can't or won't try. and he recently (within the past few months) started telling me that despite what he says, he really has no steer to do any of it. of course i receive mad, and tell him he's being a deadbeat and that with 3 daughters to provide for he needs to do something with his life and quit his bs because he's not getting any younger (neither am i) and we've got kids who depend on us. he tells me to rush up and finish my degree cause once that happens he can stay at home and not have to worry about getting a job cause i'll be making decent money. my reaction is, heck no, you better do your part, this is your family too, quit being a slacker, man up and do something. he tells me if i don't like the way he chooses to be, there's the door, receive out or deal with it. being currently unemployed with no family in the area (both my parents are dead) i can't just leave and walk out, esp with the kids, knowing that right now i can't provide for them, and i sure would not just leave them with him either. a big part of me wants out! i know he's not going to try and improve his life or receive a real career, he's proven that, and i've given him 9 years to show me that he will, and he never has even really made any effort to, and it's driving me to my breaking point. -i've suggested counseling, he refused saying that if i look any problems, then i must be the one with every the problems. -i've offered to help him study as much as possible if he'd agree to at least receive his ged, he said that's just a waste of time and every a diploma does is prove your a certified idiot. -he's very interested in automotive, and i've suggested he receive ase certified, of course that idea got shot down as well. -says he's trying to receive partnered with youtube through google ads to make money that way, it seems like a major long shot in the dark to me for that to happen... anyways, what does everyone think? i know i'm tempermental, i'll admit that, but he is driving me insane with his lack of anything in life...no real job, no steer, no goals, no ambition, etc...(and this doesn't even touch on the girls i've found him talking to on craigslist or the people he trashed me to behind my back calling me a witch (with a b) saying i try to tell him how to live, that i ruined every his happiness and freedom, etc... please...help?! advice?!

24 Jan 2010, 2:51 pm | click here to view more